September 4, 2005: Church Discipline
Matthew 18:15-20; Romans 13:8-14; Psalm 149
Eileen Parfrey, pastor                Springwater Presbyterian Church

We don't even notice anymore when someone uses the phrase, "For God's sake." Time was, my mother wouldn't allow us to say it, because it sounded like swearing to her. Now, it seems as if people use it all the time, mostly in disgust-"For God's sake!" Yet, to unpack today's scripture, the judicious application of "For God's sake" is essential. Both the gospel and Romans today say, "Love each other, for God's sake." Reconcile. For God's sake. Be direct in your dealings with each other. For God's sake. How we are with each other is something that concerns God, something important enough to our relationship with God and our immortal souls that both the gospel writer and the apostle Paul hinge everything on it.

It's counter-cultural to show active concern for others. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, self-care, self-help. Capitalism, rugged individualism, self-sufficiency. Active concern for others can be messy, can smack of bleeding heart liberalism. And, when personal boundaries get fuzzy, "nosey" is bad mental health. The church has just as hard a time negotiating these differences as does the secular world.

Matthew gives some very practical, step-by-step advice about what to do in those inevitable situations when relationships get frayed. Taking the conversation out of Biblish, Jesus says that, if someone hurts you, it's up to you to say so. Go to that person directly. Don't gossip about it, don't complain to everyone else, don't build your case as a victim. Just go to the offending party and say, "I hurt." My personal advice is, at this point it's more prudent not to say, "You hurt me." That's sure to result in defensiveness and escalation of the war. Just say, "I hurt." "I" messages are always valid. Then, according to Matthew, if you aren't heard-if you are not listened to-bring one or two others with you to talk about it. Now, this can be dangerous. The unbiased outsider might hear both sides of the situation and might help you see where you have also had a part in the broken relationship. And that might be just the ticket for reconciliation. But say this direct conversation hasn't worked. Then it's time to speak to the rest of the community, because the community has a stake in the matter.

Which brings Jesus to some important theology. Church tradition understood the failure of this step to mean excommunication. What Jesus says is puzzling. "If this doesn't work," he says, "treat the person like a Gentile and tax collector." Excommunication, right? Bear in mind, this comes from the Savior who ate and hung around with tax collectors, even choosing one to be in his inner circle of friends. This is the Savior who sent his friends to bring Gentiles to the faith community. Just off the top of my head, that doesn't sound like shunning to me. It sounds more like, "love them even more." Not "let them step all over you." Not "let the pain continue and spread to others." But also not, "get rid of them." Bring them back, surround them with love. Next week we're going to hear more about forgiveness, but right now, love them-for God's sake.

Here is that over-quoted saying by Jesus, "Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." Session and I have been known to say this to each other after a particularly sparsely-attended worship service. But what Jesus is saying in the immediate context is, "It's going to be hard to stay mad with each other if you remember that I also am present. Your prayer requests will remain vague and unanswered when you are actively engaged in dispute and ruptured relationship with each other."

Paul's thing in Romans about urgency puts context to Jesus' reconciliation strategy in Matthew. When I was in college, we had a fascination with asking each other, "If you knew you only had 24 hours to live, how would you spend it?" As we get older, that question tends to be answered in terms of advance directives, estate planning and remembering to leave the house for the day with the words, "I love you." My brother-in-law and his wife lived in the mountains outside Denver for several years, and they started each wildfire season by packing boxes of their most treasured possessions and important documents, along with emergency rations, so they could evacuate at a moment's notice. Hurricane Katrina might remind others to do the same. For Paul, Body Relationships-how we get along with each other in the church-are just as urgent.

Which is the perspective in which I see some of this week's email. If you've been living under a rock, you might not have heard that the Presbyterian church continues to argue about the ordination of homosexuals. In our presbytery, lines are once again being drawn in the sand about this, with both sides threatening to withdraw from the denomination unless they get their way. Each side believes that not only are they "right," they believe God is on their side. Each side is preserving the purity of the faith. And they believe so strongly, they are willing to split the church over it.

This is contrary to what both Paul and Jesus say today. Jesus says, "Agree and it will be done for you. If you don't agree, and you've taken steps to deal directly, truthfully, and in community with each other, treat each other like Gentiles and tax collectors." Which, if we take Jesus' example, means table fellowship, inner circle relationship, study and evangelism and ministry together, and intentional, active drawing of the other into the body of the church.

Hebrew scholar that he is, Paul says Jesus' teachings about love invite us to go beyond "what the rules say" and to evaluate the rules by what lies behind them. These rules (the Ten Commandments) are good, he says, not because they're in the Bible, but because they are based on love. Don't just follow the rules, he says, live by love. Because love does no harm.

Alienation between believers should be taken seriously. We cannot just ignore the elephant and hope it will go away. Lack of agreement and controversy won't just go away, whether it's about ordination or doctrinal purity or justice for the poor/homeless/ hungry/un-insured-whatever. Forgiveness doesn't happen by default. It requires risk and commitment and encounter. But Jesus makes that radical, incredible statement, the kind of statement that Christians are supposed to stake their lives on. He says, "If two of you on earth agree about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them."

That's astounding. Yeah, both Jesus and the gospel-writer assume that the membership of the church has pure motives and objective judgments. Which is pretty idealistic. But Jesus promises to be present, and where Jesus is present, there is still hope for our transformation. If only we will reconcile with each other. We need each other. For God's sake. It's not just about getting what we pray for. We have a moral obligation to love each other, since God loves us. God knows it isn't easy. God knows we are flawed. But love isn't how we feel towards each other, it's how we act. Love means reconciling and forgiving and looking out for each other. For God's sake.