Many session members and I are reading a Bible study-devotion book together. The theme for this week was "the cost of discipleship." I wasn't exactly surprised when one of the devotional pieces linked suffering and spiritual growth or "fruitfulness," but I was upset. An obscure ancestor of ours in the faith, Theophan the Recluse, said in essence that the price of faith growth is suffering or "fruit." No suffering, no fruit. Presumably, what he meant was what Jesus meant when he told his would-be followers to deny themselves and take up their crosses.

Theophan's strong stand on this is what got me in such a froth. I know I'm not alone in this-I honestly don't like pain. I figure, no pain no pain. "No pain no gain" sounds like masochism to me, which the American Psychological Association thinks is a mindset which could benefit from treatment. Instead of looking for a shrink, I took my struggle to my spiritual director. Was Theophan talking bad mental health, I asked, or just low self-esteem? Are we to go out looking for suffering in the name of spiritual growth? Should we embrace the pain that comes our way or just not avoid it? Theophan also spoke of painstaking and "utmost" efforts, so is he advocating overwork in the name of God? Is pain God's will for us? If we're hurting, does that mean we're holy? Bless her heart, Mary Jo reassured me that God does not want us to hurt. But, suffering will come, and what results from that suffering depends on what we bring to it.

It is a natural response to want our pain not to be empty, to believe what we work for has an ultimate meaning. When my daughter was a pre-schooler, she loved being "productive." At the end of a particularly productive day you could find the couch, the chairs, the hearth, the window seats all lined with folded towels in neat rows. Lovingly tucked into each towel was a doll or stuffed animal. Beds for her babies. Our work may be more sophisticated, but in the end we all want to think we've made a difference, that we've been productive. In construction, job-related activity is productive when it contributes to the end goal of on-time and in-budget. The more "productive" the work the better profit. In Biblish, we call Christian productivity "fruitfulness." Preparation for Easter through Lent often finds Christians considering what constitutes productive or fruit-bearing practice in their faith lives.

At this point, rather than doing theology from the gospel lesson, I'm going to trust you to continue to remember that you are valuable to God, that you would not be called as part of God's family if God weren't already head-over-heels in love with you. I'm going to trust you to already know, however, that being a Christian is not a life guaranteed to be on Easy Street. Following Jesus means not only that Jesus gets to be in charge of "where," but if Jesus had to suffer to get to Easter, there's a pretty good chance that we aren't going to be able to skip over the hard parts and take a short-cut to the glory. This, to me, is the wisdom of the Church tradition of observing Lent. If you only show up for the dazzle of Easter morning, you forget the huge price Jesus had to pay to get there. So, can we let the question of "why suffering" be answered by "because Jesus did," and proceed on to "how"?

The "how" is not "beat yourself up or find someone else to do it for you." Rather, the "how" is "deny yourself." Especially during Lent, it is tempting to think this is about "things," as in, "I'll give up something. I'll quit smoking, give up chocolate, fast on Fridays." Or maybe we'll take on something during Lent-prayer twice a day, an exercise program, coming to mid-week church services. Neither giving up nor taking on is the point as long as it is about yourself. These are good things, but they are to make room for God. Jesus invites those who would follow to "deny themselves." He's not asking folks to reject themselves. He is asking those who would follow him to deny the part that's about "me, me, me" in order to set free a person whose horizons are wider than narrow personalized interest. Those stoplights that turn red every time you approach-it's not about you. Squash for supper again-it's not about you. The boss is frustrated with corporate policy-it's not about you. The school budget shortfall-it's not about you.

What Jesus invites his followers to do as they deny themselves is to "take up their cross." He doesn't say "go find ways to make yourself miserable." Yes, as Mary Jo admitted, suffering does come, but as part of taking up the cross, Jesus says his followers will find their lives by losing them. Take up your cross on behalf of others. Follow Jesus, and you might find yourself helping others because you are simply doing what Jesus did. There, it isn't so hard to say the J-word, is it? I'm doing what Jesus did. This, my friends is where the "how" of fruitfulness becomes concrete.

There is a mystery in this, but I know you've experienced it. Experience is what makes this concrete. There is a peculiar happiness that comes from helping others. When you help someone, you find that you have value, not for what you've done, but for having given yourself away. Even when you've put personal agendas aside, even when you had to "make do" on your own account because what you gave away took personal resources, it doesn't matter because you've been a better person. That mystery is what makes the hard parts-the suffering-of being a Christian bearable. Twelve Step programs know this. It's the hallmark of being on the road to recovery when a person is able to help others. We all know people who give themselves away. The man , who patiently cared for his mentally ill wife for 40 tumultuous years. The couple who devote their lives to caring for special needs foster kids. The woman I know who saves her vacation time and pays her own way to Haiti every year to bring medical supplies and dig wells for the marginalized poor people.

Since I began this sermon with the ridiculous premise that suffering is a necessary condition for fruitfulness of faith, we need to be clear about the "so what" of spiritual fruit. It's not a new thing-it goes as far back as Abraham. The "so what" of fruitfulness for us is the same "so what" it was for Abraham. Covenant. "I will be your God." It's about closeness to God, conversations with the Almighty, closeness to God that develops faith. Faith, as in trusting God so completely as to be willing to risk comfort and safety in order to obey God. Faith, as in acting as if the self-giving ways of God are better than self-serving ways. Suffering will come, whether we run to meet it or not. Pain is not God's will for us, but what comes of suffering depends on what we bring to it. If you bring to your pain fearfulness and avoidance, what comes of it will be a more closed heart, isolation, a sense of abandonment. If you bring to those situations a yearning for God and a desire to be obedient, you will hear what Abraham heard. "I will be your God." Imagine: a faithful life of intimacy and companionship with God. May this be so.